I’ve written a lot about love since this blog started a little over three years ago, but have only now actually experienced it for myself. And tragically, what I’ve found is that love brings out a wealth of opportunities for cliche. I’m going to do my best to avoid that type of nauseating narrative, but I’m not going to kid myself that I’ll be able to avoid them completely. In fact, I’m going to start with one.
When you meet the person you’re meant to be with — you just know. But since I’ve been skeptical about love for most of my young adult life I offer you the ten reasons why Randi Baldwin is the love of my life.
1. This has been very hard to write.
I’ve written about many girls in the three years I’ve been a regular blogger, but none of my previous essays have been as difficult as this one. And I know why. The previous essays were sales jobs. Since I had never met anybody I had genuine feelings of romantic love for, I felt a compulsion to elevate them to that level through literary self-delusion. And I used my blog for that. So, while I don’t mean to diminish the girls who I’ve made literary pinings for in the past, it wasn’t real. It wasn’t even close. What I have now is very real, and it’s why I’m very much embarassed by those old posts. And it’s why this post makes me nervous.
Randi deserves the best, because I love her, and she’s the only girl I’ve ever loved. But it’s going to take more than one post to give her everything she deserves in writing. She’ll have to be satisfied with what I can give her now, and then wait patiently for the next installment.
2. She’s the first girl I’ve ever yelled at.
It was the beginning of our relationship and Randi had suffered through a horrific trip to NYC. She was anxious to get back, but a thick fog bank sent her plane back to Chicago. We got on our cells to try and figure a way to get her home. I would have driven but the fog covered most of the state of Illinois and was impossible to see through. At her most frustrated Randi swore she was going to rent a car and drive home. As I had nearly killed myself just driving to the airport, I got on the phone and screamed at her that she would do no such thing. I had never yelled at anyone like that before, but Randi’s stubbornness frightened me so severely that I had no choice but to yell and make sure she heard me. Though I might have been a little harsh. Just thinking about it sends her into a corner to weep for several minutes.
3. We are the eye of the storm.
Ours has been a whirlwind romance, but the whirlwind has largely come from the outside. Here in our home, things are calm and relaxed. It feels like we’ve been together forever. Our future is somewhat limited at this point as we wait for Randi to finish up school, so we’ve done some things to give our parents indigestion and raised eyebrows in the meantime. But in our house, when we’re together the biggest fight we’ve ever had was who was the better comic actor — Will Ferrell (me) or Adam Sandler (Randi). I won.
4. We’re edumacated.
Every night before we turn-in we each grab a book and read till our eyelids get heavy. It’s a simple pleasure that I’ve never shared with anyone. And it’s a tradition that we’ll share long after my glasses get thicker than my hair.
5. Boys v. Girls.
Our love will never end, because my mom would kill me. For the first time ever, my mother has a worthy confidante in the war against the Rockwell Boys Club. Not only is Randi smart, but she’s sassy and takes a great deal of pleasure in making her boyfriend squirm. I will never win an argument again when the two of them are in the same room. You know you’re locked in for life when Mom is telling you “Don’t screw this up.”
6. Independent women still need their White Knights
Randi doesn’t need me to get through the daily grind. She’s smart, motivated, and capable. But she still has moments when she needs a knight in shining armor. And anybody who has followed this blog knows that all I want is to be somebody’s white knight. I’ve helped her through some fairly intense struggles in the months we’ve been dating, and I can’t think of anything more important for me to do. My girl is amazing and she’s only going to get better with time and experience. So I’ll battle through anything to be able to watch her do it..
7. Brains Without the Bark
This one hurts: Randi’s smarter than me. She’s never had a B in her life, and she still seems to feel she’s an under-achiever. It’s as if the only way to prove how smart she is is to be so successful in her classes that she completely destroys the meaning of grades altogether. Thankfully, Randi is a little less politically agitated than me. I can run my mouth off about just about anyone I disagree with, but Randi helps keep my reactionary politics in check. We love to debate even when she doesn’t have a leg to stand on (Adam Sandler), and it’s only helped make me smarter — which is a plus (although I guess that depends on who you ask).
8. Wow.
No list would be complete without mentioning the thing I first noticed about her. Randi’s smile is a mixture of mega-watt and mischevious. It’s a beautiful smile — the kind that makes dentists pass out — but there’s something in its corners that says “I know something you don’t know.” I never get tired of seeing her smile and since she thinks I’m really funny (we’ll call that 8a.) so I get to see a lot of it. In addition, she’s inspired some of the funniest one-liners I’ve ever uttered (that she’s been collecting on her facebook page). My favorite — “It feels like I’m kissing a cyclops that I might be related to.” Figure out what inspired that one and you win a cookie.
9. Lost
This one goes to pure commitment. In the first months of our relationship Randi and I watched over 60 episodes of Lost to catch up for this year’s fourth season. She’s hooked now, but to even start down that road is a tremendous achievement. And considering it is my other great love, it’s good that the two of them can get along (although now she’s trying to inject some chick named Gilmore into the equation).
10. She’ll get me to do things.
This is probably the most important. Randi and I have already begun a number of traditions and activities that I never would have done by myself. We have 500 NY Times crossword puzzles we plan on working through (we’re on 18). We’ve had a Wii Olympics marathon. She’s taking up golf. I’m taking up tennis. We take Buzz for walks. She cooks, I eat. Eventually she’ll help me get back down to fighting weight. I look at her and all I say is myself getting better. Who wouldn’t want that?
She just brings out the best in me. Aside from this pathetic attempt to express my love in words, everything I do has been done better since she came along. She pulls me out of ruts that have so often doomed my best intentions. She’ll get me writing again. She’ll make sure I don’t settle for less than I’m capable of. She’s my muse. She’s my love. She’s my future.
And I can’t wait for you to meet her.
